Britney’s Dispatch from the Edge
05/29/2007 8:00 AM, E! Online
It was over the course of the nation’s last three-day weekend, back in February, that the bulk of Britney Spears‘ follicles went missing in action. And while Memorial Day weekend was comparatively quieter, at least for Spears, she’s still making some noise.
The comeback-minded pop star has issued the latest in her series of open letters of truth on her Website, dishing about her stay in “a very humbling place called rehab” and its effect on her.
In the lengthy dispatch, Spears cops to having “truly hit rock bottom” before entering Promises Malibu in February, after a few false starts, but Spears put the blame for her troubles on an unlikely source.
“Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression,” the 25-year-old entertainer writes. “I was like a bad kid running around with ADD.
“I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce,” she continues, referring to on-again manager Larry Rudolph. Last month Spears sarcastically thanked Rudolph for his guidance and for pushing her, unnecessarily, she said at the time, into rehab.
“I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me.
“I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce.”
As for that huge divorce from Kevin Federline, Spears says it was also responsible for her behavior.
“I was so overwhelmed that I think I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad.
“I confess, I was so lost.”
While refusing to blame anyone specifically (i.e., Rudolph, Federline or father Jamie) for her bleary-eyed, late-night, panty-free excursions that preceded her rehab stint, Spears admits that she has “had to cut” several people from her life who she feels took undue advantage of her.
“Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life…I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with.
“It is so sad,” she continues, “because if anyone is a family person…it is me.”
Spears also discusses how her role as mother to sons Sean and Jayden has changed.
“I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough,” she writes, before adding, “I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much.
“Maybe this is the reason for this letter…to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a ‘bitch.’ ”
Finally, Spears says that while her life is both “crazy and surreal,” it’s also “truly blessed,” thanks to her children.
“I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy.